I get that we are already 11 days into the New Year and it is now probably too late to reflect on 2017 but I’m a rebel….so!
But honestly, 2017 for me was a year of transition, acceptance and MAJOR changes. I started the year as a new mum having given birth to my little princess in November 2016. I was sleep deprived, probably depressed but also very happy to embark on my journey as a mum.
Just as I was getting into the swing of things and starting to enjoy motherhood and a bit more sleep, I found out I was expecting again. I was filled with so many emotions but the ones that stand out are confusion, fear and doubt. I had certainly not planned to have another baby so soon after. On top of this, my relationship with my partner wasn’t that greatest as having our first child really tested us to a point where we both were probably thinking of calling it quits at that point.
To be confronted with another pregnancy did however help me put things into perspective. It helped me become proactive in tackling the issues in my relation but most importantly, it prompted me to gain the courage to confront a lot of my own personal demons I had been battling with since childhood. To have one child changes you. You want to be a better version of yourself for your children. For me, finding out I was expecting again has been my saving grace….weirdly!
I started my transition by seeking counselling to deal with past issues which trickled into my present. Issues to do with abuse and self-destruction. I opened up and let my guard down for the first time and boy, did it feel good. This also prompted my partner and I to seek couples therapy so we could be better partners to each other and most importantly better parents to our children.
The road is long, the work continues even into 2018 but I am hopeful and optimistic that I am on the right track to healing, peace and a better version of myself.
For this year, I want to not think about doing things but just do it! I want to be intentional with my actions, words and decisions. I want to eradicate any fear and self-doubt I had/have so I can spread my wings and fly….so my children can see that even the sky is not the limit. I I want to deliberately love, laugh, enjoy my growing family and all the blessings that God has bestowed upon me and those which are awaiting me in the future.
I want to write more, about different topics, take more pictures and make more memories.
This is the year of BEING & DOING!
Happy New Year 2018!!